He Holds Me, Even When I Don’t Fully Understand Myself
Sometimes, we don’t understand ourselves. We can’t explain why we feel certain emotions, why we make certain choices, or why we keep repeating the same mistakes despite regrets. The question, “Why am I like this?” often leaves us feeling powerless.
In those moments, we lower our expectations of ourselves and sink into self-blame. But faith begins exactly there — in the truth that God knows me completely, even the parts of me that I don’t fully know.
David confesses in Psalm 139, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you understand my thoughts from afar.” While human eyes linger on results and actions, God’s gaze pierces through to the heart, to the core, to the deepest motives.
We judge ourselves by the words and actions we show outwardly, but God finds our true heart even in the tears and prayers we cannot voice. He knows why I spoke that way, why I hesitated, why I gave up.
Faith is ultimately not about trusting myself, but trusting that God knows me better than I know myself. We know our limits, but God knows our potential. We remember our wounds, but God plans our restoration.
Even when we fall and remain seated in failure, the Lord sees the faith still alive within us and reaches out His hand so we can begin again. Faith is thus a path built on trust, not qualification; it is a life grounded not in ourselves, but in the Lord.
The fact that God knows me is both comfort and warning. Comfort, because even when I feel misunderstood, God fully knows my heart and I am never alone. Warning, because no matter how much I disguise or cover my emotions, God sees the core of my being. Yet God’s gaze is not judgment but love, not anger but patience.
He hears my cries even when I hide away, and knows my heart even when I say nothing.
The moment a person collapses most is when they cannot trust themselves. Yet God never gives up on us, even then. Jesus, knowing Peter would deny Him three times, prayed, “I have prayed for you, that your faith may not fail.”
Jesus doesn’t ask us “Why do you do this?” but simply says, “I know you.” And that one phrase is enough for us to find the strength to walk again.
God knows us better than we know ourselves. This is the power that turns our failures not into ends, but new beginnings. Before the Lord, we don’t need to explain or prove anything. We only need to come as we are.
God already knows everything. That is why we can still pray today, “Lord, I do not fully understand, but You know. So please lead me today.”
Maeil Scripture Journal | Today’s World, A View Through the Word
